I admit to suffering from anxiety. We all have it to some level. It’s hardwired into our brains - the fight, flight or freeze response - that evolutionary benefit passed down to us from our ancestors meant to protect and keep us alive. Unfortunately, in today’s day and age, our sympathetic nervous systems can’t distinguish between an upsetting email or a sabretooth tiger. For some of us, we struggle to calm the system down and develop this hypervigilance that is constantly scanning the horizon for the next danger.

Perhaps you have heard of the ‘yips,’ a term used by athletes to describe what happens to them when they can no longer correctly carry out a physical action like throwing a ball or losing control of their golf swing. Simone Biles is back in the news for winning a recent gymnastics event. Back in 2021, at the Olympics, Biles developed what gymnasts call the ‘twisties.’ This condition describes the inability to sense where you are in space will traveling through the air; clearly a dangerous issue that could lead to a life threatening injury. She received a lot of negative comments over her bowing out of competition over a mental health issue. Yet, I think her bravery of putting her mental health first has allowed other high level athletes to do the same. She attributes time and therapy as helping her to heal and return to competing.

So where am I going with all of this you might ask? We’re all familiar with writer’s block, a form of yips I would say, so why wouldn’t artists get them too? I’ve written about artistic slumps, but I think the yips are definitely different.

Let me describe one of my anxious, artistic yip episodes. I went into my studio to work and it didn’t take long for the struggles to begin. I set about trying to choose materials, and a color palette to work with. I chose a gelli print that I had made, one that I was so proud of, but all of a sudden I was afraid to use it fearing that I would ruin it’s beauty. That’s when I could feel the anxiety spreading through my chest.

Through working with my therapist, I’ve learned to identify where in my body different emotions are felt. For example, grief and sorrow grab me by the throat. Excitement and worry can both be found in the stomach - think of those famous butterflies. Anxiety for me is in the chest. I’ve been working to breathe through the anxiety, but more and more I am discovering that organized movement helps to break the grip that anxiety has on me. A walk around the block in the fresh air can work wonders. Others might like to dance it out or hit a punching bag. On that day it was to go outdoors and work in the garden.

Sinking your hands in soil and connecting to the millions of living organisms found in it can help to ground you. Scientists are discovering the dynamics that are necessary to make life on this planet possible. Neuroscientists are also discovering the impact nature has on our physical and mental well being. The microbiome - our internal and external community of bacteria and viruses - that makes us who we are also benefit from out interactions with nature. The bacteria in our guts help to make neurotransmitters, which help with regulating our mental well being. Interacting with our environment and even having the opportunity to grow our own food can boost this effect.

Calm once more, I was able to return to the studio. I didn’t use that piece of paper. Don’t you worry, I will. Instead, I did simple, low-key, calming watercolor practice pieces (as shown), which were playful. My ‘yips’ were certainly not high stakes, but to me they are disruptive. Deciding to lead a creative life has subconsciously given me something new to worry about. Any new challenge can be anxiety provoking. Thankfully, I have a therapist who is helping me to learn how to manage the anxiety, and I have other people’s examples of how they overcome their mental health challenges. The more open we are about mental health challenges, the more we will remove the stigma surrounding them. This will help encourage others to see that the are not alone and that help is available.